XXII. So much for Caligula as  princeps emperor; we must now tell of his career as a monster.

 

After he had assumed various adnomina (surnames) (for he was called Pius ["Pious"], Castrorum Filius ["Child of the Camp"], Pater Exercituum ["Father of the Armies"] and Optimus Maximus Caesar ["Greatest and Best of Caesars"]), chancing to overhear some kings, who had come to Rome to pay their respects to him, disputing at dinner about the nobility of their descent, he cried:

 

"Let there be one Lord, one King."

 

And he came near assuming a crown at once and changing the semblance of a principate into the form of a monarchy.

 

But on being reminded that he had risen above the elevation both of princes and kings, he began from that time on to lay claim to divine majesty; for after giving orders that such statues of the gods as were especially famous for their sanctity or their artistic merit,

including that of Jupiter of Olympia, should be brought from Greece, in order to remove their heads and put his own in their place,

he built out a part of the Palace as far as the Forum,

and making the temple of Castor and Pollux its vestibule,

he often took his place between the divine brethren,

and exhibited himself there to be worshipped by those who presented themselves;

and some hailed him as Jupiter Latiaris.

 

He also set up a special temple to his own godhead, with priests and with victims of the choicest kind.

In this temple was a life-sized statue in gold, which was dressed each day in clothing such as he wore himself.

 

The richest citizens used all their influence to secure the priesthoods of his cult and bid high for the honor.

 

The victims were flamingoes,

peacocks,

black grouse,

guinea-hens 

and pheasants,

offered day by day each after its own kind.

 

At night he used constantly to invite the full and radiant moon to his embraces and his bed,

while in the daytime he would talk confidentially with Jupiter Capitolinus,

now whispering and then in turn putting his ear to the mouth of the god,

now in louder and even angry language;

for he was heard to make the threat:

"Lift me up, or I'll lift you."

 

But finally won by entreaties, as he reported, and even invited to live with the god,

he built a bridge over the temple of the Deified Augustus,

and thus joined his Palace to the Capitol.

Presently, to be nearer yet, he laid the foundations of a new house in the court of the Capitol.

 

 

 

LI. I think I may fairly attribute to mental weakness the existence of two exactly opposite faults in the same person, extreme assurance and, on the other hand, excessive timorousness.

 

For this man, who so utterly despised the gods, was wont at the slightest thunder and lightning to shut his eyes,

to muffle up his head, and if they increased,

to leap from his bed and hide under it.

 

In his journey through Sicily,

though he made all manner of fun of the miracles in various places,

he suddenly fled from Messana by night, panic-stricken by the smoke and roaring from Aetna's crater.

 

Full of threats as he was also against the barbarians, when he was riding in a chariot through a narrow defile on the far side of the Rhine, and someone said that there would be no slight panic if the enemy should appear anywhere,

he immediately mounted a horse and hastily returned to the bridges.

 

Finding them crowded with camp servants and baggage, in his impatience of any delay he was passed along from hand to hand over the men's heads.

 

Soon after, hearing of an uprising in Germania, he made preparations to flee from the city and equipped fleets for the purpose, finding comfort only in the thought that the provinces across the sea would at any rate be left him, in case the enemy should be victorious and take possession of the summits of the Alps, as the Cimbri, or even of the city, as the Senones had once done.

 

And it was this, I think, that later inspired his assassins with the idea of pretending to the riotous soldiers that he had laid hands on himself in terror at the report of a defeat.