Last summer, I discovered that putting on a pair of boxing gloves provided me with so much more than an outlet to work out the frustrations of the day. Learning to throw a punch (however lacking my technique may be) helped me to communicate better, both personally and professionally. How, you may wonder? The key to writing a successful email isn’t exactly the ability to throw a punch; it’s the practice of getting comfortable with healthy conflict.  

Whether we like it or not, conflicts and disagreements are a natural part of life. Although tact and respectfulness are essential to effectively conveying your thoughts, letting a fear of conflict control how you interact with others can lead to indirect, passive communication that does nothing but inhibit problem solving efforts. Unfortunately, a common knee-jerk reaction to the threat of conflict is to restore peace as quickly as possible without addressing the issue at hand. For example, agreeing with someone just to avoid an argument. Many of us have been there before but for women, especially,  being assertive is often socially discouraged. While being agreeable and accommodating is not only encouraged, but expected. 

When I began boxing, I realized just how deeply ingrained my habit of avoiding conflict was. My coach explained to me that I was pulling my punches, and to help me get past my self-doubt and fear of confrontation, she challenged me to do ten pushups every time I said “sorry” while I was training. I ended up doing a lot of push-ups. 

I began to consider how much energy I spent apologizing for things that weren’t my fault, shying away from voicing my opinions when they clashed with the opinions of others, and putting my needs second to accommodate others. When I disagreed with others, I often found myself tip-toeing around the periphery of my argument. While conflict certainly was avoided (or, at least mitigated) in these instances, I had done a disservice to myself by refusing to provide meaningful contributions to discussions and collaborations that I was a part of.  

As I developed my assertive communication skills, I became more confident when sharing my ideas and opinions in tutorials at school and I became a better teammate in group projects. I also developed the skill of advocating for myself at work, even (successfully) asking for a raise. For me, what began as a hobby, by chance, became an amazing tool for personal growth.  

Although boxing helped me overcome my aversion to conflict, there are plenty of ways to become a more direct communicator without risking the symmetry of your face. While the intra-murals offered by LA&PS colleges are a great place to start if you want to build your confidence and your communications skills, the easiest way to become a more direct communicator is to ask yourself, “Am I accommodating others intentionally or reflexively?”. Being accommodating is by no means a bad thing, but it should be done deliberately—not out of habit. 

Secondly, in some situations (especially in class), it can be helpful to either write your ideas out or use notes as a guide when you are speaking. Writing ideas down not only prevents tangents, but helps you stick to a clear line of argument if you get flustered easily. 

Thirdly, know your material. In both school and work, a few extra minutes of studying or preparation for the topic at hand will help you to feel much more confident sharing your ideas about that topic. 

And one last tip—if a disagreement ever does get out of hand, it never hurts to have a few boxing combinations in your back pocket!